Where do I begin?
This past week has been one of forced contemplation, and of finally accepting some hard truths. I love my horse. He is a beautiful creature, my partner, and a trusted companion. However, in many ways, our existence together is holding one and other back. Oz is big, tall, imposing, powerful, springy, expressive, and ultimately born to do dressage work. He excels at it and it comes so easily to him. His willingness to please combined with his innate intelligence and unmasked athleticism make him a dream to train and ride, they always have. Yet, watching him under a true blue dressage trainer and astoundingly good rider, has made me both proud of him, as well as ashamed. I let him down in a way. He could have been such an excellent mount under someone with the know how to take him there, he thrives on the challenges which dressage training presents to him. He likes to use his brain, as funny as that sounds, and now that he is in a training program I can see what everyone has been telling me for years. He is a dressage horse. The end. I am finally facing reality.
I'm trying to squeeze a big square block into a small round hole, and its painfully slow progress. I'm not a dressage rider and I would never buy a dressage horse. So where do I go from here, now that I have finally accepted the fact that has been beating on my door for the past year. Do I still send him to the endurance trainer out east, as planned? See what she has to say? Or do I save my money, her time, and offer him for sale now and start over with a new horse? I honestly have no clue, and subsequently have been calling everyone I know, surely driving them nuts, trying to figure it out. Do you sell the best pain in the (you know what) you've ever known, or do you keep shoving a square peg into a round hole?
Bottom line is that, Oz is my horse in spirit and yet not in function.
(Ouch, right?)
So I did what any self respecting horse girl should never do when deciding whether or not to sell her beloved pony. I called my mentor, and promptly went online horse shopping. Probably not my smartest decision, but nevertheless. I found a few local contenders who seem like nice options, and one (very) distant contender (bred mare) who seems like a terrible option, but whom I quite like. Pricing seems up and down ranging from the solidly realistic to the completely delusional, but I could easily find a nice mount, locally, for a few grand. Yay, me. I'm going out to see one of the completely delusional ones this weekend, just to feel the waters so to speak. She's a mare, kind eye, ridiculously overpriced for what she is, but seems to be worth the look. I shouldn't be going, but it feels right somehow.
Other that the complete equestrian breakdown and the southern style blizzard, Oz and I are doing well. He is progressing in leaps and bounds, and is coming into his own as a dressage horse. He was off a few days before the storm hit, but apparently seems sound now. I haven't been able to leave my driveway, let alone make it to the barn in a week, but I hope to check on him as soon as the sheet of ice lining my neighborhood dissipates. I will keep updating as my though process moves along with the whole "to sell or not to sell" situation, and would appreciate any input or advice. I am ready to begin my green bean journey, and this time I'm not putting it off for anything, even my horse. Sorry bud.
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